In Loving Memory of Mrs. Roy

My heart has been so heavy this past week.  Scarlett's beloved kindergarten teacher, age 28, passed away very unexpectedly from a brain aneurysm.

After church this past Sunday I was scrolling through Facebook and I saw the dance studio where we go (and Mrs. Roy taught at) posted something about the incident.  My heart jumped in my throat but I told myself that it must be someone else.  I just saw her Friday afternoon.  This must be another Katie.  But within minutes I got a phone call message from the charter school sent to the parents of her class confirming this tragic news... 

(from their GoFundMe page) "On the way down to watch her husband's brother's hockey game, she started to complain of a headache. Her symptoms continued to get worse as they drove to the nearest Emergency Room. The staff worked diligently to find the problem. A short couple minutes later, the Doctor came and told them that she had a large brain bleed. She was rushed as soon as possible by a mobile critical care team to St. Vincent in Toledo, being that it was close by. Once she got there, the surgeon informed them that she had no brain activity left. Tears were shed, memories shared. She was on life support as they waited to carry out her wish of organ donation. This angel went into organ donation surgery to become a Christmas Miracle for many other people and families. She was able to donate 5 vital organs. Her 2 kidneys went to 2 people and changed their lives. They were able to do a multi-visceral transplant (which is very very rare). This gave 1 person her pancreas, liver, and intestine. They were able to use her heart valve to replace someone else's bad ones. She donated her cornea and tissue which will be placed later. She is truly a Christmas Miracle and now we need love and a Christmas miracle for her family. We ask you to please help this family in a time of need and heartbreak..."

Katie worked as one of the main instructors at our ballet studio.  Once a month she would come to all dance classes in the evening to collect payments and help answer questions, etc.  I had the blessing to sit and chat with her during those times.  I also got to help volunteer in her classroom, visit with her after school, and say hi every day at pick up.  I just can not believe someone so joyful and full of light and love was just gone.  Just like that.  Jake and I took a few hours to process and pray about it, then we sat down with Scarlett and told her what happened.  She started crying and asked questions like "who will teach my class?" and "can we go see her skin?" (meaning her body).  We talked about the Plan of Salvation and that she is in heaven watching over us, waiting for the resurrection when her spirit will go back into her perfect body.  It's just been awful.  It's hard enough to suffer a loss of a friend, especially someone so young, but it's so hard to watch your child go through this tragedy as well.  Since school started this past fall, Scarlett has spent more awake time with Mrs. Roy than with me during the school week.  She really became a big part of Scarlett's life.

"I am thankful for... Rainbow, TV, Home, 3 Sisters, Teacher, Family"

Luckily for everyone involved, that night we got 11" of snow.  So Monday was a snow day.  I'm so grateful that the school was able to have an extra day to prepare and process the situation.  The principal sent an email out to the school with links to information on helping children deal with grief.  On Tuesday morning Jake walked Scarlett into school and made sure she was doing ok.  The paraprofessional who helps in the classroom, Mrs. Henry, said they were going to keep moving forward as much as possible.  Scarlett said they had like 10 adults in the classroom that day and that they brought teddy bears for everyone to snuggle if they wanted.  I got this letter in her backpack when she came home that evening:

They sent home these ornaments so Scarlett wrote a sentence on each one.  "I love Mrs. Roy" and "I like how she teetris (teaches) me".  Scarlett said that a few days later they took the ornaments and decorated a tree next to the main office at the school.

This week has been a roller coaster.  I have tried to not cry much in front of my girls, but Scarlett's been pretty weepy as well.  One day she told me "I didn't get enough smiles today."  Another time she came come, started crying, and said "I don't want to go back to school" (me: why?) "I don't know why."  She told me that her tummy hurt at school so she had to go to the office and she stayed there until she got bored.  One day she was crying and I didn't know how to help her.  Literally as an answer to my prayer, my mom had sent Scarlett a package with a Smile Bear for her to hold when she was sad.  It was such a blessing. 

One day I went to pick Scarlett up from school.  It was close to 0degF so they had "indoor dismissal" where the kids wait in the gym.  Then the staff in the parking lot read your pick up label and radio in to the gym, then they bring your kid out.  I was doing fine until they read my label.  They said "Mrs. Henry's class" over the radio.  I can't imagine how hard it must be for the staff to see her name and classroom every day.  All these reminders of her sweet personality.

Jaide seems to be really aware of what's going on.  She's asked "Did Mrs Roy die at school?"  and "Why Scarlett's teacher Mrs Roy died?"  Jaide even told me "I know, I know, I know, Jesus died then came back to life again."  I think her little 3 year old self has pure faith.  Scarlett prayed one night: Please help Mrs. Roy to be having fun in heaven."  After she said "I think she heard me."

Scarlett asked us questions about her body like "did they have to cut her, like when you had a baby?"  Jake and I prayed about what to do and we both felt like we should take her to the viewing on Friday evening.  We felt like it is what she needed to have closure or to process what happened.  So after school on Friday we made cards.  I wrote the family a letter and made cards for them.  (at the end of this post).  Scarlett drew pictures for Mr. Roy, Mrs. Horvath, and Mrs. Roy.  We talked about what was going to happen when we got there.  The funeral home was packed.  I made Scarlett wear her uniform because that's how she looked to Mrs. Roy.  I was grateful that there were other children there (not a lot, but a few).  The room was filled with groups of people speaking.  Scarlett and I walked around and looked at the photos.  She really studied them and even found some silly ones that made her laugh.  Then we went to say goodbye to Mrs. Roy.  She looked so beautiful in her coffin.  Scarlett started crying and hugged me tight.  I held her and she waved and said "goodbye, I love you."  Then we went to see Mr. Roy.  He asked Scarlett if she was in her class.  He told Scarlett "remember to 'stay on green' and 'hips and lips'."  I just cannot imagine all that he was going through.  Scarlett gave him the card she made for Mrs. Roy and he said that he would make sure she got it.

  

Scarlett and I got back in the car and she told me "She just looked like she was sleeping."  "If her eyes where open in that thing that has cotton [coffin] would they still be there?"  We talked about how when we cry it means that we loved that person and it's ok to cry.  It's also ok to laugh or just feel normal or weird or whatever.  Jake suggested that I take her to fro-yo afterwards to talk and just be together.  So Scarlett and I had a little date.  She was silly and we played games and ate our yummy food.  But she also said little things like "I wish she could come back to life."  "I wish there was a song about Mrs. Roy."  I sang "God Be With You Til We Meet Again" to her, then she said "I know, it's how we are in heaven, then we are born, then we go back to heaven again."  She also said "I bet Mrs. Roy tried to stay alive but she couldn't."  There's been a sub in their class this week (Miss Jagger), during our dessert date Scarlett said "This is fun! Maybe when Miss Jagger dies we can come here again."  We had a talk about how most people live til they are very old and that this probably won't happen again.  Poor thing. 

This morning was her funeral.  Jake and I decided that I would go by myself since it was a Funeral Mass at a Catholic church.  I have never been to a Mass before.  I spoke with my dad and a few friends on what to expect, what to do, what to wear, etc.  I was nervous about sitting alone.  Luckily (tender mercy) Mrs. Henry emailed the class about homework stuff last night and I sent her a quick email right then about the funeral.  We exchanged info and she saved a seat for me.  I got there and was able to sit with the staff and school people.  Lots of familiar (and sad) faces.

When I walked into the church I waited to file into the pews.  I saw her coffin was open in the back of the room (where I was walking) for people who weren't able to make it to the viewing.  I quietly took a minute pay my respects.  The coffin lid was open and propped up against the inside of the lid they had a picture of Chris and Katie.  Right next to that photo was Scarlett's note (shown above).  Chris did promise that Mrs. Roy would get her note.  I was pretty composed walking in, but not after that.  I also got teary when I saw the firetruck and all the firefighters from his station there to honor her.

I had a minute to chat with Mrs. Henry before the service began.  She said that they are trying to find a new teacher for after winter break.  She's going to ask the new teacher to keep the classroom the same for the rest of the year.  Katie was very organized and everything has it's place.

The Mass was nice.  I went into the meeting looking for things that are the same (not focusing on the differences of our religions).  The message was basically: have faith and hope in Jesus and the resurrection.  The pastor knew her and had many great things to share.  The family picked all the scripture readings and songs.  I sang the hymns.  There were a few I didn't know but many that I did: Amazing Grace, How Great Thou Art, Silent Night, O Come All Ye Faithful.  The pastor had many great words for the family and advice for all of us to support and strengthen them.  He suggested we look at our Christmas ornaments, find one that reminds us of her, and write her name on the back so we can remember her every Christmas.  I picked an angel ornament on my tree.  He also spoke about how this is the worst Christmas for her family, but through her selfless act of organ donation that this was the best Christmas for the recipients.

Katie's father-in-law gave the eulogy and shared some memories.  She loved: sharpies, being organized, shopping, the color pink, Christmas socks (he was wearing some), and giving selfless service to others.  She always wanted to be a teacher since she was very young, except that small time she wanted to be a flower, but mostly just a teacher!  He told a story about how when he got married his wife hung her stocking but didn't have one for him.  She said she was going to make him one, but the years went by and all the kids got some, but he never did.  Well a few years ago Katie gave her father-in-law a HUGE stocking for Christmas.  He brought it to show everyone.  It really was huge!  He said "I know what you're thinking, and yes, Katie fit inside of it!"

I was so grateful that she was Scarlett's teacher, even for such a short time.  She was joyful, full of light, and so caring.  Jami came with me one time after school when Mrs. Roy gave the twirls a little tour of the kindergarten classroom.  Jami told her that I loved having her as Scarlett's teacher.  She was a tiny person with such a huge heart.  One time I was at the school for a pumpkin drop activity.  Afterwards I noticed she and her husband were out there shoveling up the pumpkin goop.  I took a picture cause I thought that was so Mrs. Roy - this tiny person just taking care of business.  Pint size GSD (get shiz done).  I guess I felt like we were kindred spirits in that way.

One night this week I put the girls to bed and randomly said "let me read you a story" then I picked up this book full of Greg Olsen paintings.  When we turned to this picture (Heavenly Hands) Scarlett said "that looks like Mrs. Roy!"  It was just perfect.  Such a tender mercy!  It did look like her, an angel leading small children.  Just perfect.  I used the picture to make a card for her family.  Then I wrote this letter with the memories I have of her:

To the family of Mrs. Roy,

My daughter, Scarlett, had the opportunity to be in Mrs. Roy’s kindergarten class this year. We were also excited to find out that Mrs. Roy was at the Dancin’ Feet Ballet Studio with us as well. Though we didn’t have much time together, the conversations and interactions that we shared taught me about what kind of person Katie really was. These are a few of the things I learned through her words and actions:

She was a happy person. My daughter had a hard time remembering her name when school started this past fall. I asked Scarlett to tell me about her teacher so we could find a way to remember her name. She told me that her teacher was always happy and smiling. So we practiced calling her “Mrs. Roy, like Joy” because she was full of joy.

She loved her husband. I remember commenting on a beautiful floral arrangement in her classroom and she told me they were from her husband - just because he thought she needed them. Another time she told me how on their honeymoon they went biking down a steep mountain and she knew she could do it as long as she was by her husband. They split the group of bikers up by height and since she was tiny and he was tall they were on opposite ends of the line. She said that it was so much scarier without him next to her. On another occasion Katie told me how she got to host Thanksgiving at her house this year. It was the week of parent-teacher conferences and she was stressed out about getting everything done. She came home after a late night and her husband had cleaned the whole house! From these stories I could tell that they truly loved each other and worked to serve and make each other happy.

She had a great relationship with her mom. I remember meeting her mom at the ballet studio one evening. I could tell it was her mom- cause they look alike! I sat next to them and listened to Katie tell her mom how proud she would be at all the water she drank that day. Only a mom who is close with her daughter would care and get excited about water consumption. Katie also said it was so nice that her parents lived close to the Summit so she could go grab a bite before ballet. She seemed to really enjoy being around her mother.

She loved her family. I don’t personally know any other members of Katie’s family. But I have heard her talk about them with love and appreciation. She told me how she loves her new nephew and wanted to take him to see Santa. How her brother-in-law is playing hockey for Michigan Tech. How her dad was able to hook them up with an awesome hotel for their honeymoon. Her family was a big part of her life and it showed through her conversations.

She was a great teacher. At the beginning of the school year my daughter really struggled with anxiety at school. I didn’t know how to help her. I spoke with Katie about it and she had a ton of great ideas. She told me that she would start working with Scarlett on it and within days I started to see my daughter improve! I was so impressed with Katie’s knowledge and her caring heart as she helped us. I have been amazed at the amount of information she is able to teach my 5 year old. In 3 months she is reading, writing (with finger spaces), knows her nouns and adjectives, and can sit quietly and follow instructions and so much more!

She loved her students. Katie overheard another ballet instructor talk about my daughter the first week of ballet class. Katie then asked “Scarlett? Is that my Scarlett?” I remembered this because I thought how sweet it was that after just a week of school she already felt connected to her students. She told me once that after only two days of school she knew all the student’s names and didn’t need their name tags anymore. The first time I met Katie I told her about Scarlett’s food allergies. Another kindergarten teacher overheard and said we should move Scarlett to her class since she already has several students with food allergies. But Katie said that she wanted to keep her and that she would make her class a nut-free zone. I just remember thinking how much she cared for my daughter and all her students, even on the first day of class without even knowing them yet. They were not just children to her, they were her students.

She loved kids. I remember asking her if she wanted to teach another grade someday, she said she would stay in kindergarten forever if they would let her. I even saw her teaching the little tiny ballet students and thought she must really love children if she would choose to teach young kids at school and also at ballet. What a wonderful heart and such great patience to surround yourself with 5 year olds every day.

She was thoughtful. I mentioned that my 3 year old twin girls were jealous that Scarlett gets to go to school. She invited them to come to her classroom after school one day and look around. She showed them all the fun things that the students get to do. That meant so much to them to feel like big kids and finally see what school was like. One time I needed some paperwork from the office, she told me that she would grab it and give it to me at pick up so that I didn’t have to unload all my kids into the school.

She was a hard worker. I commented on how busy she must be with teaching school and ballet. She told me that growing up taking ballet really taught her how to manage her time well and work hard. She always seemed to be busy and she seemed to really thrive in that environment.

She was adorable. From the cute owls she decorated the classroom with to the boots and scarves she would wear, she was just adorable.

She was fierce. She never seemed to realize that she was a tiny person. There were several occasions that I thought she was so tough: carrying a huge box of folders for me to file, bringing in a bunch of heavy Christmas gifts for the ballet teachers, directing traffic in the crazy pick-up line, even shoveling up smashed pumpkin off the concrete. She was always just taking care of business. I think she embodied this quote: “Though she be but little, she is fierce!” (William Shakespeare, A Midsummer Night's Dream).

Our lives will forever be better from the time we got to spend with Mrs. Roy. We will remember her every time we sit “crisscross applesauce”.

We will continue to pray for you and your family.

Love,

The Glauser Family
Jacob, Jenni, Scarlett, Jaide, Siena, and Skye

We love you Mrs. Roy.